Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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