Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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