Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
