all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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