I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
