The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
