Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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