So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
