butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
