My girlfriend figured out who you are.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
