In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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