drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
