You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
