You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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