not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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