I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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