Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
