if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
