with your own penis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
