I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
