If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
