sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
