Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
