And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
