the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
