I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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