I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
