He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
