I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
