it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
