She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
