wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I did not marry a roomba.
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