Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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