is your mom at the bar?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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