so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
