i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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