Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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