Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
