Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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