my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
