She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
