I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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