all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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