anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
