don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
