Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
