The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
