1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
