Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
