you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
