i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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