I smell stomach acid.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
