When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You can't motorboat a personality
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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