she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
