What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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