areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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