guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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