You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize