also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
