If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
