The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
