my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
