The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize