Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
