The maid of honor just puked.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
